WARNING: This blog is kinda long…… Heeheee.
I’ve always wanted to write about this. And not just the ordinary waiting, but waiting for the right person to come into your life. The person that God has ordained (yes, ordained) for you to be with for the rest of your life, for better or for worse…
But I never seemed to get a grasp of it because until now, it’s something so trivial in the lives of people, including my own.
So…. Where to begin?
Sir Arthur Conan Doyle once wrote in one of his masterpieces,
“…least of all do [they] know it [themselves] until the tone of a voice, or the touch of a hand sets [one’s] heart thrilling within [them].”
So breath-taking, is the act of hormones calling upon one another to attract. (HAHAHAHAHAHAHA) But believe it or not, that’s what it is. I’m not saying for all… but most.
I don’t know about the rest of you girls, and most certainly any of the men, but I never had the slightest idea of how watching movies about a princess having a prince charming and living happily ever after, could affect my life with such gravity.
Now, I never wanted to be a princess (I was thinking more of queen. HAHAHA), but I mean… Watching movies about it as a kid must have planted some idea in my mind that somewhere out there is a man who’s going to come for me with all the male bravado in the world, claiming me to be his one and only, and taking me away on his valiant steed…
or magic carpet…
or Honda city. Haha!
I Googled the probable ages that the princesses were at when they found their prince charmings, and to my delight, their age range was from 18-19 years old. Interesting…. Cause that’s my age range. My prince is coming!!! HAHAHA
But all joking asiiide… It has been a life long dream of mine to finally find that person who is going to sweep me off my feet. And when I was fourteen years old, all the way up to seventeen, I actually thought that I had already found my prince charming. But after my not-so-fairy God the Father spoke, I was overruled. Haha!
So, here I am again. The Great Wait ahead. And when people ask me if I am romantically interested in any of the male specimens I call my friends or if anyone is trying to court me, they seem somewhat surprised when I answer with a cheerful, “No one!” Although, I would love to find someone interesting, it’s funny how God has not exactly placed him in my world yet, because honestly, at this point, I am probably more interested in the sweeping of my feet rather than the actual person who will be doing the sweeping.
BUT it is not easy-peasy…and I shall quote one of the earlier blogs that I wrote (In The Eyes of The Beholder),
“it seemed like every single one of my girl friends was in a relationship and I was not. Take note! SEEMED. Not everyone was in a relationship, but being surrounded by those people a lot, made it seem like they were everyone.”
Today, I stand…well….sit…. before you, and I must admit that my sentiments…
….remain the same. What a struggle.
And the thing is, just recently I realized that it was such a struggle for me, cause everything was head knowledge. I knew that God had someone special waiting for me, I knew that I had to wait and have God mold the both of us into the right people for each other, I knew that God would bring him to me when it was time. But there was the “what if.”
What if I’d already missed him?
What if the rapture happened before I met him?
And my biggest fear….
What if I didn’t have a God’s Best?
INTERMISSION: I feel so foolish thinking about this at such a young age. HAHAHAHA Okay continue…..
“‘I’ll wait for you’ was elemental…. It was the ordinary way of saying she would refuse all other men. Only you.” – Ian McEwan; Atonement
It just sounds so… fun!! to have someone – your own person. I imagine someone saying those very words, “I’ll wait for you..,” to me, and when I think about it, I can’t avoid smiling! I feel the traditional butterflies in my stomach and I can feel my heart pounding throughout my entire being. And somehow, my stomach makes its way to my mouth, making it really hard to speak.
And then the cruel reality would hit me: that I don’t have a person. And I become sad, bewildered and impatient with God and His will, wondering why it has to take so long, all the while thinking that I was already ready. But the truth is, I’m actually not.
On the ring finger of my left hand, I wear this – a symbol of the commitment that I made to the Lord to stay pure not only in the physical way that most people perceive the ring to be for, but also in my thoughts and the words that I say. Honestly, IT’S HARD. And there have been so many times when His heart’s been broken with my disobedience.
Throughout the duration of writing this blog entry, I have wrestled with God again and again for a more plausible reason as to why my prince charming was taking so long, and He hit me right between the eyes with an answer from one of my dearest friends…
I was ranting about how the first time I mistook someone for my prince left me so hurt and insecure. And as I was waiting for a reply, anticipating the usual, “It’s going to be okay..”
. . .
‘”It is the glory of God to conceal a matter, But the glory of kings is to search out a matter,” Proverbs 25:2,’ said my friend.
In my mind I thought, Okay. WHAT’S THE CONNECTION?
Little did I know that my friend had this reply coming…
“Somewhere out there is a king who’s seeking you out. And to find you, he has to look deep deep deep into God. Cause you’re so lost in God it’s impossible to find you anywhere else.”
The moment I read what my friend sent me, I burst into tears! A surge of God’s love enveloped me in an instant and it felt like I was opening my eyes for the first time in a long time. Because I want to be that person who is so lost in the Lord – too busy in His arms and in His love.
What I realized is that God continuously puts us into a refining process, and “He who began a good work in [all of us] will carry it on to completion.“ (Philippians 1:6) When we become followers of Christ, we do not necessarily become sinless or sin less, all at once, because we’re all human. But if we are truly, deeply rooted into Him and His love, we will repent more and more and more. He is refining us like silver. (Psalm 66:10) Removing the ugly parts. And when I look back on my life and all the times I was sad, bewildered or impatient with the will of the Lord, I have finally come to realize that I actually like this refinement process.
Now, every single day brings me a step closer to the ultimate lover of my soul, and every time I admit that I make a mistake, He doesn’t move farther away from me, but He runs toward me. Just like the way the father of the prodigal son ran to him when he came back home. (Luke 15:11-32) And with someone who is as in love with you as God is,….. What else could you be looking for?! And I praise God, because never have I been so in love with Him and what He has in store for me!
Don’t get me wrong, I still long for that kilig factor in my life, but now, I can actually find that in Jesus. I am not joking! Every time I start feeling down, I remember His love. That traditional feeling of butterflies-in-my-tummy comes and I can feel my heart pounding throughout my entire being. And somehow, my stomach makes its way to my mouth, making it really hard to speak. I get goosebumps and tears start forming in my eyes, because yes, I do want my prince charming to come, and I want him to come soon..
But more than all of those desires, if God decides not to give me a prince charming at all,
It’s perfectly fine with me.
Because Jesus – my King – is and will always be more than enough. I like what our senior pastor at church said about the way God looks at each one of us; that whenever “He looks at you, He sees eternity.” :)
In the event that I do get to meet my prince, I’m sure that then, I’ll be ready. :) And I know this is going to sound cheesy but for now, I’ll be sitting pretty as my Daddy-the-King’s princess, with the hopes that truly,
Someday, my prince will come. ♥