Homesick.


Let’s rewind a bit, and go back in time…

A bunch of my cousins and I, all grew up together in the same compound in, Antipolo City. That place was our wonderland – our own piece of Narnia. There were waterfalls, so many trees, a pool…. It was all so simple. But the simplicity made it perfect.

Unfortunately, things in this earth will pass away, and our lovely compound had to go. Right now, they’re remodeling it into a bunch of townhouses which will soon be ready for other people to move-in to. And well…

After the many years spent away from Antipolo, I thought that seeing it go – seeing my beautiful home go – would be okay. But it isn’t, and I don’t think it’ll ever be. All the memories spent in that place… Memories of jumping off the waterfalls, splashing into the pool, watching the stars while lying on the roof, hearing the wind move through the trees, and looking at the shadows dance as we would sit by huge bonfires; the way the grass would smell right after it rained, and the way it would when the sun would dry it up during the summer. Late nights with flashlights and tents and midnight snacks, singing and dancing under the rain, the way it felt being just a few steps from people who are now miles away….

A view of the waterfalls (w/o water)

What I hate the most is that we weren’t able to document much of the stuff we did. I hate how I wasn’t able to share that place with most of my friends. I hate the fact that I wasn’t able to climb up the waterfalls just one last time before it was torn down. I hate the fact that there are less trees and the fact that other people are going to live there when I want to, so much.

I hate the fact that it’s gone.

BUT…. I will always and forever cherish the memory of that place, and the fact that we did have our own bit of paradise in the middle of a busy world – our own wonderland, our own Narnia.

I strongly stand for the fact that, for me, I HAD THE BEST CHILDHOOD EVER, with some of the best people in the world. And even if some of the things that we did were totally outrageous, I will always love our trekking adventures, and baptismal rituals for puppies, the snakes we found, the baby bats we took care of, the apes that one of us thought we were (HAHA), the ants we would terrorize, the bunny I sat on, the trees we hung from, the swing some of us fell from, and mud baths, and obstacle courses, and all our gajillion clubs.

Our wonderland. :)

And that’s probably the reason why even if I love my new home already, I will always be so homesick and heartbroken, because I loved this place. And every single time I think about it now, I start to cry, because I can’t seem to let it go.

I’m not angry, or upset.  Just sad that we couldn’t save the place. :( The saddest part is that I know that I will probably never find another place like this again. And if I were to find such a place, it would never be the same.

So, as I was moping around, reminiscing and talking to God, I was suddenly reminded of this passage which says:

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.” (John 14:1-4)

God is preparing a place for all of His children. And if He can give me something like the wonderland I used to live in, then how much more can He have waiting in store for me? :) 1 Corinthians 2:9 says,

”What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love him.”

Amazing! And that is what awaits us in heaven; all of those who love Jesus!

“Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, bright as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb through the middle of the street of the city; also, on either side of the river, the tree of life with its twelve kinds of fruit, yielding its fruit each month. The leaves of the tree were for the healing of the nations.  No longer will there be anything accursed, but the throne of God and of the Lamb will be in it, and his servants will worship him. They will see his face, and his name will be on their foreheads. And night will be no more. They will need no light of lamp or sun, for the Lord God will be their light, and they will reign forever and ever.” (Revelations 22: 1-5)

He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.” (Revelations 21:4)

There are so many other verses in the Bible about how our real home will look like. Because after all, we are just visitors on this earth. This is not where we belong. (John 15:19) So, even if I am desperately wanting to turn back time to see my Narnia again, I will wait patiently and ever so much more excitedly, for what God has waiting in store for me, and for everyone else who loves Him. And may we all help each other to remember that, yes, we may be in this world, but never shall we be of it.

“You don’t have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body.”
― C.S. Lewis

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7 thoughts on “Homesick.

  1. …such wonderful memories, Tahnee…. :)

    Afterall these years and now close to 60, if there is anything that the Lord has taught me and ingrained in my heart is that everything, absolutely everything that happens in our lives,even without human reason He has allowed for His sole purpose in relation to the bigger picture that He holds… And for a child of His to stay in tune with and connected to Him is the secret of finding that immeasurable joy with so much comfort … the peace that surpasses all understanding … and that circle of unending love found nowhere else…. because within each of His human creation is a God-shaped vacuum that only He could fill for us to feel all that…

    Our lives will always present us with uphill and downhill images & experiences but we know that these are not and should not be our focus … because far beyond what seems so real in this lifetime, God’s true purpose lies….and having been provided by the grace and ability to see far beyond is one of the greatest wisdom He has ever shared with His most precious creation…us!

    God bless you and everything you do…always!!

  2. You took me back in time with you. The picture of the pool made me tear. But your realizations are irreplaceable and eternal.

  3. Hello Tahns. I’m kinda scared to wake up… cause I’m actually gonna SEE the other half of this place that doesn’t exist anymore. (cause yeah, we’re here in Antipolo right now haha)

    This blog made me both sad and happy. :) It’s always fun remembering our childhood eh. Dibadibadiba? May I please clarify though. I really do not remember wanting to be an ape!! EXAGG :( HAHAHA. But, yeah. A way better version of our “paradise” exists up there! Weeeheeee :)

    • You must have gotten amnesia for that part of your life, cause we all remember you wanting to be one. HAHAHAAHAHA You’d swing from Kiana’s bed.

      Ano ba! I didn’t na nga say it was you. Binuking mo pa yung sarili mo. HAHAHAHA
      Hey! Next week, I’ll randomly sleep in your house. <3 Or maybe even tomorrow night. Love you. :*

  4. Beautiful, Tahnee. You are so gifted and you bless us so. We feel for you of course, because even Titos, titas, and parents had their best childhood memories in that compound. Meanwhile, between our collective pasts and that heavenly place you mention, there is still the here and the now, and so many people to bless, to love, and to live and laugh with. The best memories are yet to come!! Love you!! ;-).

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