I’m sure that all of us, one way or another, have come across this famous phrase by Plato, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”
It’s one thing for a girl to be called pretty or cute or hot or sexy or whatever supposedly connotes that we look good, but BEAUTIFUL is a whole new level. It doesn’t just make us feel like we have the looks, but makes us feel like we are worth more than just that.
Now that we’re talking about looks, let me take this time to say, one of my biggest insecurities is how I look – my… “beauty.” Living in a world where tight waists, thin legs, soft hair, and a flawless complexion are requirements for you to be called “beautiful” does not exactly help the insecurity go away. And soooo many girls, instead of just being content with how we look, we keep on trying to alter ourselves into how we think we should look, and not into how God designed us to be.
Have you guys checked your calendars already? It’s relationship season for a lot of people, and honestly, I never really liked that season. I think a lot of girls never do, because there are a great deal of us, who feel very alone, like how I felt. The past two months left my self-esteem on an all time low because it seemed like every single one of my girl friends was in a relationship and I was not. Take note! SEEMED. Not everyone was in a relationship, but being surrounded by those people a lot, made it seem like they were everyone.
“Forever alone,” and, “Boring,” were some of the things that were used to describe me, and although they were said as a joke, constant repetition made those things get to me and sink in. I felt so alone, and evermore so boring. I blew up all the teeny-weeny things, regarding relationships and beauty, in my life until they all became like one huge hot air balloon as opposed to the small balloon that they really were. An example of some of the things that were on my mind was the fact that I have never been asked out on a real, REAL date yet, and my ball/formal event history of being the girl who is chosen because the other dates can’t make it or weren’t allowed to go.
Don’t get me wrong; I am not bitter at anyone but myself for this. I felt like I had been doing something wrong all my life and started to get paranoid. Maybe that’s why this person stopped texting me. Maybe that’s why nobody likes me. Kaya siguro ako hindi nililigawan ngayon. And I have to admit, I was also bitter with God. I didn’t ask Him why no one was “making papel” to me (intense, barok haha), but I kept asking Him what was wrong with me.
Hello, insecurities. I started noticing how chubby my legs were, how weird my hands looked, and how my already flat stomach (praise God), never seemed flat enough for me. I also started wondering if I was pretty enough – beautiful enough – for people. If “beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” why wouldn’t anyone behold ME? (Did that make any sense? Hahaha.)
What’s wrong with me, God? What’s wrong with Your creation? I wouldn’t become the girlfriend or go out with anyone just because they asked, but they could at least ask!
Note from author: It has taken approximately half a year to finally put all my thoughts together concerning this, and as I was writing down the questions I had been asking God, I asked Him to speak to me. And He is so amazing. As I was asking all of those questions, He slapped this verse in my face…
Psalm 139:17-18, “How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up, you are still with me!”
And now, I’m crying. HAHA! Because, here I am, complaining about how I was created, forgetting who my Creator is. He “made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb… He watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. He saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in [his] book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.” (Psalm 139:13,15-16)
It’s funny because I’ve known this verse since I was a child, but only now have I understood the gravity of the message that it sends. So, here I am, balling my eyes out when God reminds me that it doesn’t stop there.
He didn’t just create us, He paid for us with a price. So, for all those people who thought that they were of not much worth, you are wrong. You are completely, entirely, positively wrong. Because God bought us at the price of His own son who died on the cross to save us from all of our sins. Imagine. That is how much we cost, that is our value. And a lot of times, we forget, just like I did. But you can all bet that I will never forget that now.
Time to refocus. *wipes tears off of face* Girls, we have to remember whose eyes we are trying to please; whose eyes really matter. That of earthly men, or that of our Heavenly Father.
Proverbs 31:30, “Charm is deceptive and beauty does not last, but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.”
Instead of lingering on the fact that I am single and not so ready to mingle, I will focus on the ultimate lover of my soul – JESUS – and may He, in His perfect timing, grant me the person who will love all of me despite my boring-ness and well attributed weird-ness. Ajejeje.
Peace out, yo. God and I have a date – a real, REAL one. :)
Psalm 100:3, “Acknowledge that the Lord is God! He made us, and we are His. We are His people, the sheep of His pasture.”