In The Eyes of the Beholder.


I’m sure that all of us, one way or another, have come across this famous phrase by Plato, “Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”

 

Dear Boys,

It’s one thing for a girl to be called pretty or cute or hot or sexy or whatever supposedly connotes that we look good, but BEAUTIFUL is a whole new level. It doesn’t just make us feel like we have the looks, but makes us feel like we are worth more than just that.

Sincerely, Girls.

 

Now that we’re talking about looks, let me take this time to say, one of my biggest insecurities is how I look – my… “beauty.” Living in a world where tight waists, thin legs, soft hair, and a flawless complexion are requirements for you to be called “beautiful” does not exactly help the insecurity go away. And soooo many girls, instead of just being content with how we look, we keep on trying to alter ourselves into how we think we should look, and not into how God designed us to be.

Have you guys checked your calendars already? It’s relationship season for a lot of people, and honestly, I never really liked that season. I think a lot of girls never do, because there are a great deal of us, who feel very alone, like how I felt. The past two months left my self-esteem on an all time low because it seemed like every single one of my girl friends was in a relationship and I was not. Take note! SEEMED. Not everyone was in a relationship, but being surrounded by those people a lot, made it seem like they were everyone.

“Forever alone,” and, “Boring,” were some of the things that were used to describe me, and although they were said as a joke, constant repetition made those things get to me and sink in. I felt so alone, and evermore so boring. I blew up all the teeny-weeny things, regarding relationships and beauty, in my life until they all became like one huge hot air balloon as opposed to the small balloon that they really were. An example of some of the things that were on my mind was the fact that I have never been asked out on a real, REAL date yet, and my ball/formal event history of being the girl who is chosen because the other dates can’t make it or weren’t allowed to go.

Don’t get me wrong; I am not bitter at anyone but myself for this. I felt like I had been doing something wrong all my life and started to get paranoid. Maybe that’s why this person stopped texting me. Maybe that’s why nobody likes me. Kaya siguro ako hindi nililigawan ngayon. And I have to admit, I was also bitter with God. I didn’t ask Him why no one was “making papel” to me (intense, barok haha), but I kept asking Him what was wrong with me.

Hello, insecurities. I started noticing how chubby my legs were, how weird my hands looked, and how my already flat stomach (praise God), never seemed flat enough for me. I also started wondering if I was pretty enough – beautiful enough – for people. If “beauty is in the eye of the beholder,” why wouldn’t anyone behold ME? (Did that make any sense? Hahaha.)

What’s wrong with me, God? What’s wrong with Your creation? I wouldn’t become the girlfriend or go out with anyone just because they asked, but they could at least ask!

Note from author: It has taken approximately half a year to finally put all my thoughts together concerning this, and as I was writing down the questions I had been asking God, I asked Him to speak to me. And He is so amazing. As I was asking all of those questions, He slapped this verse in my face…

Psalm 139:17-18, “How precious are your thoughts about me, O God. They cannot be numbered! I can’t even count them; they outnumber the grains of sand! And when I wake up, you are still with me!”

And now, I’m crying. HAHA! Because, here I am, complaining about how I was created, forgetting who my Creator is. He “made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb… He watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. He saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in [his] book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed.” (Psalm 139:13,15-16)

It’s funny because I’ve known this verse since I was a child, but only now have I understood the gravity of the message that it sends. So, here I am, balling my eyes out when God reminds me that it doesn’t stop there.

He didn’t just create us, He paid for us with a price. So, for all those people who thought that they were of not much worth, you are wrong. You are completely, entirely, positively wrong. Because God bought us at the price of His own son who died on the cross to save us from all of our sins. Imagine. That is how much we cost, that is our value. And a lot of times, we forget, just like I did. But you can all bet that I will never forget that now.

Time to refocus. *wipes tears off of face* Girls, we have to remember whose eyes we are trying to please; whose eyes really matter. That of earthly men, or that of our Heavenly Father.

Proverbs 31:30, “Charm is deceptive and beauty does not last, but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised.”

SO.

Instead of lingering on the fact that I am single and not so ready to mingle, I will focus on the ultimate lover of my soul – JESUS – and may He, in His perfect timing, grant me the person who will love all of me despite my boring-ness and well attributed weird-ness. Ajejeje.

Peace out, yo. God and I have a date – a real, REAL one. :)

Psalm 100:3, “Acknowledge that the Lord is God! He made us, and we are His. We are His people, the sheep of His pasture.”

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9 thoughts on “In The Eyes of the Beholder.

  1. Tahnee! Who is that beautiful person in the picture? She’s really fortunate to have found the true meaning of substance and form. :)

  2. How odd that in your packaging you feel/felt that way… It must be a teen’s growing up pains… I suddenly remembered how I struggled with the same because I was just so fat… and I was fat from time immemorial… It was cute when I was a baby, then as a little girl…But when I got into my teens, it was nakakata-cute for my peers… I remember walking along the hallways of UP High and some older batches would react to my being fat by banging themselves on the walls and pretending to be squeezed by my size as I passed by, and chanting, “Gigantorrrrrrr, Gigantorrrr”…(a character of a famous animation then)… It was the most painful reality of my life and it tore me to pieces….although on the outside I would laugh it off, deep inside I was crying real bad and so bitter about it…

    Maybe you never saw my pictures when I was like a dambuhalang pating at 175 lbs. !!!!… But that all changed during the summer from my Sophomore to Junior High… I was determined to lose weight that summer…and indeed I lost 50 lbs!!!… I was exercising to death and eating like a bird…I was counting calories even of butong pakwan…How fun is that, eh ?… Ugh!…I cannot do that again, I tell you… It was sheer determination that got me through …and while I was losing weight, I was telling myself, “Pag pumayat na ako, hindi ko kayo lahat papansinin!!” (meant for those who meanly teased me)….

    But then, I grew up some more and the insecurity lingered on… I dated left and right, flaunted my “sexy” body, as I thought, with revealing attires, even to a point of scandalizing whoever saw me…. In so little time, so many men uselessly became part of my growing years, provided me with fake security and momentary high….and also dragging me to further disaster and making me feel less and less…. It seemed like no amount of taking a bath could wash away all of my insecurities… until I met the Lord Jesus, the best Man I have ever met in my life!…

    From then on, things changed… and I realized, it was all a matter of perspective..and I was seeing myself from an erroneous perspective….But the Lord showed me the real perspective I should be seeing myself…. and that’s how I always want to see myself — as how He sees me!!!…the apple of His eye, whom He has promised to give a future and a hope…

    As I still remain in the flesh, my struggles have notreally stopped… especially uprooting and moving to a different country, rubbing shoulders and elbows with people not of the same culture… a land where discrimination is distinct yet vehemently denied to exist, even unspoken… But how God sees me has always pulled me through the lies of these demons…

    There is a verse that means so much to me that I even used it as the main verse during my marriage to your Uncle Joe… Jeremiah 29:11-12 — 11 For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you.

    …and when my low moments come, I call on Him…and He hears me… What a wonderful, reliable Saviour we have in Jesus!!!!…

  3. My dearest and most beautiful cousin, Tahnee,

    Reading your honest words moved the lump that was in my throat and almost made everything exit through my eyes…tears, but I composed myself and decided to write back. It was like reading what was my life between elementary and highschool online. Say what you believe and believe what you say, don’t ever let people change that about you. Will email you the rest…

    The only one relationship that truly matters is the one that saves you… :) And you are saved…

  4. Tahnee! :D
    I also recently walked through the wilderness of Insecurity, Forever Alone-ness, and Boredom (that is, I thought I was a boring person). I honestly believed I was forever alone in my sentiments, but having read your blog, I learned I wasn’t. I am inspired by this post of yours (and more so your life) that I want to shed a few tears but I can’t because I’m in the library at malapit pa naman din sa entrance/exit. Haha! :D I thank our Lord Jesus and you for reminding me yet again of my value in Christ and the beliefs I should allow my mind to grasp and hold on to.

    I also posted my thoughts and experience on loneliness and being forever alone (although I did not share that I haven’t been asked out yet by any guy because it would take me forever to write) on my blog. God’s Word, my Mom, and the loneliness itself, thankfully, drew me closer to God. :) And I praise Him for restoring you as well! Ako naman, akala ko sobrang boring ng testimony ko kasi lumaki ako sa Christian family. My story may not be as miraculous compared to others, but nonetheless, it’s penned and planned by the Almighty God. Our stories are still being written and I’m sure marami pang exciting scenes na idadagdag si God. :D

    I shall pray for you! :) Continue writing for God’s glory.

  5. As far as my radar is concerned, with God Almighty’s standards, You Tahnee is simply the gbreatest!!!!…. I have seen your heart…Thank God for that!!!…. and it is a very beautiful heart…. How the Lord has grown you….And I have known you since you were a bud…and I have seen how you were meant to be…. I pray you stand tall and firm with God’sd enormous and magnbificent plan for you!!!… I love you, Girl!!…. No one like you really…. Your gift is rare!!!

  6. Just a head’s up!!!!….stay away from unacceptable influence!!!!… no matter how closely related it may be… It can be your downfall… because associations make us…associations influence us….and when influence are negative & bad, it can drag us to the bottom of the pit…. I lift you up to the Lord, that He may protect you and alienate you from such influences…at all costs!!!

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